Stuck

"Stasis is a trap between anger and fear. Anger that you aren’t living the life you want. Fear that if you let go, you’ll lose everything." - The People's Therapist

I rarely read the People's Therapist. His choppy writing style and reinforcement of platitudes tend to drive me mad. But occasionally, his topics resonate with me.

I never wanted to be a lawyer. I hoped I would fail out of law school first year and not be invited back. I hoped I would fail the bar, and not be able to get a job. The longer I stayed in law, the more it looked like I was going to be trapped for life in a field that doesn't interest me. Law trapped me in a state as my friends moved away for graduate degree and mobile careers. Being a lawyer has, so far, trapped me in law. When I try to get my foot in the door in one of those alternative careers so frequently lauded during the law school admission process, interviewers assume that there's no way their company could pay enough for me to seriously consider them.

TPT suggests that chasing dreams is more important than money. In law school, I never felt remotely passionate about 75% of classes. The repeated promises that practice would be different and better than law school kept me frozen, much to my present regret. Practice has been more interesting, but it's rare that I want to share the ins-and-outs of my day like I did when I worked in a lab. But without the ability to get back into work I care about, I (like a surprising number of lawyers) am unwilling to risk my present circumstances for a chance at a more satisfying condition.

Occasionally a blog crops up such as Attorney to Temp, telling the tale of an attorney fed up with practice and looking for a better quality of life even if it means taking a lower pay check. Given the growth of the legal job market over the last ten year compared to the number of new lawyers each year, it seems apparent to me that there must be numerous attorneys living this life, but the stigma associated with looking for something different to do with ones life remains. Even other lawyers who recognize that the practice of law to be a bad environment for many people can't countenance other people leaving it voluntarily.